Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue

I saw a truck in the parking lot of Whataburger yesterday with a Toby Keith sticker next to a sticker of Calvin pissing on a Dixie Chicks sticker. I bet the truck’s owner felt like a real patriot, a true freedom fighter. I spotted a guy with the lowest-sloping forehead and reddest neck, which is not easy to do at Whataburger during lunch hour, and, sure enough, he was the owner of the truck. I wanted to approach him and sarcastically thank him for helping to ensure our country’s damnation for at least four more years, but he was too busy polishing his halo and draping himself in the American flag to chat with me.

"I personally do not believe in burning the flag. It's a personal belief, but I'll tell you something, I think people are overreacting, oh, just a little bit. 'Hey buddy, my daddy died for that flag.' Well, I bought mine. Sorry. You know they sell them at K-Mart for three bucks, you're in, you're out, brand new flag, no violence was necessary. 'Hey buddy, my daddy died in the Korean war for that flag.' What a coincidence - my flag was made in Korea!" - Bill Hicks